So as you might have guessed, I've been slacking on my posting lately (or maybe as you haven't even noticed. Who gives a fuck, really? I don't do this for you anyway). The reason for this is an immense amount of traveling (if you remember it was Vegas a couple weeks ago, and Italy last week, in case you fuckers didn't get the picture at the top of this blog).
Apparently, during my travels I missed a lot. I missed Lord Farceface jerking off to pictures of Garcelle Beauvais in Playboy (thanks for killing my MILF sleeper, jackass ... I have others though, don't you worry), while having a three-way phone conversation with The Minority Reporter and The Brooklyn Boy about pools of bare, unattached tits. I also missed a bunch of articles I didn't read, nor will I because I was jacked.
Gimme that post, fool, this a full time jack move.*
(Sorry Brooklyn Boy, Minority Reporter said take it back dude! Haha ... no. That was the most viewed post in the history of this page, and it was aaall me.--ed.)
I suppose I could tell stories about attempting to get with Italian chicks and failing (they don't like it, apparently, when you speak to them in English in their country). I could also tell you about pulling a cute little Bama bitty at a cafe in Venice (my life is a movie, I know). I could put up pictures of the amazing looking women I came across (but they're not famous, so you can't draft them).
I'm not gonna do any of that.
Instead, I'll tell you about the movie I was forced into watching on the plane since my iPod died and I had to stay awake the entire 8 hour flight back from Paris to get my timing back. This was the third time in the last four flights I've taken that The Astronaut Farmer was shown. At first glance, it seemed like the dumbest movie alive: Man builds a rocket in his barn, actually launches said rocket, orbits the Earth, and lands safely (by parachute, no less).
Well, upon second glance, it was just as dumb as I thought. However, as an actual movie, it wasn't as bad as I expected. They made the ludicrous plot halfway decent, and there were actually several moving moments, many of which lined up with the book I've recently been reading (The Alchemist - not well written, in my opinion, but has great points), as well as my personal mantras of never giving up. I actually thought the movie wasn't half bad by the end, and even the stupid ending didn't seem so stupid. Of course, it helped that I got to sit through two hours of the MILFiest woman on this side of MILFdom:
While this isn't a great picture of the 45-year-old Madsen, I chose it because it illustrated my two points best: her left breast and her right breast. This bombshell first caught my eyes with her sweater cows in Sideways, but the absurd boringness of the movie promptly made me forget about them (though it's interesting to note that the very titless, assless, large-horse-faceness of Sandra Oh became famous because of that movie, and Madsen barely made any splash at all. Best Supporting Actress nominations "barely make a splash" these days? Tough crowd.)
I suppose it's rare that you grab a 45-year-old with a 20-year history in the business and call her a Visionary Thinking candidate, but Madsen would be it. (Except she's not. I can't condone that. Status revoked.) With four big releases in the last three years (Sideways, Astronaut, Number 23 and Firewall), a seven-episode guest appearance on Smith, and three more movies in the works for the next year, Madsen looks to make a splash.
*Anyone who doesn't listen to Joe Budden won't get that reference, but then again, if you don't listen to Joe Budden, I don't give a shit what you get, 'cause you're an idiot.